I have been a creative dreamer since I can remember.  My dream world has been a life line for me in my struggles.  Vivid and replete with symbolism, I have believed in my heart that through them, God speaks to me giving me direction and hope.  While I have treasures of dreams I could share, I want to talk about one of my most recent.

I dreamt I was on an island. There were all sorts of things going on that I cannot remember but I do remember a feeling of impending peril as large waves of dark and cold water churned up onto the shore.  I kept looking up at the sky, expecting something. Perhaps something bad to happen as I have been accustomed to in my life?  As I journeyed around this island, I made it to a brick building, much like a school. There were neat, manicured hedges all around me. Perfectly trimmed. No weeds, no invasive vines or intruding saplings.  That is when I noticed it. This beautiful and strange flower sticking right out of the hedges.  It had long, multi colored, feather-like fronds with equally as colorful flowers at the very end of the feathery display. It was a marvelous creation, like nothing I had ever seen. It was almost alien-like in its color tones. As I awed at its beauty and stroked it’s soft leaves, a woman addressed me. She said, “That is the stormy flower, and it is for you.”  That was the end of the dream.

In my struggle with my self worth and with comparing myself and my life with other women, I have become locked in a cycle of crippling depression.  Wondering why I was so different. Why I was robbed of a healthy and loving relationship with my parents. Why I experienced so much sexual abuse. Why I had to endure the death of a child. Why I was such a screw up. Why I was such a whirl wind of anger, frustration, bad habits, and negative thoughts. Why I was so lonely. Why it was so hard for me to make friends with people. Why I struggled grasping God’s love for me. I’ve spent the better of my life loathing myself. Wasting my youth in self pity and mental despair.  I know there are women out there just like me and I hope that somehow my words will strike a chord in your souls and ignite some hope in your agony.

That flower is me. That flower is you. It a perception of self and reality. The manicured hedges is the perception we have of others. That their lives are clean and perfectly primed and primped. They also symbolize conformity and the pressure to be a certain way in society. We are the flower. Growing away from the hedges, conspicuous, loud, bright.  We have been forged and formed through the storms and trials of life to be noticed. But danger lies there. In those neat and trim bushes, we can be mistaken for weeds, for something unwanted, changing the landscape, and therefore judged, plucked out and rejected.  The stormy flower, chosen by God to shine in a way that only the hurt and wounded can shine. Touching and reaching those the rest cannot. Take comfort in knowing that you are loved too. That you are different for a purpose and though you may not see it now, it surely will unfold as you open up your eyes and see that your identity has been forged by the flames of a God that loves you and longs to use your unique spirit and experiences.  Comparison robs us all of joy. Let us not compare anymore. Let us not wallow in self pity. Let us have hope that we are predestined to a plan greater than us. That a glorious God is glorifying himself beautifully in your story. Jesus was a storm flower and he is the reason for my hope.