Equal in looks? You don’t have a plump booty, or a flat stomach, or perfectly, perky, overflowing c-cup dirty pillows that practically poke you in the eyeballs? No full juicy lips, a symmetrical face, high cheeks bones, or a nose just right? Or any proportions of which Thomas Aquinas would approve? Not a problem.

There’s a fix for every cursed mistake and physical anomaly thrust upon you by your DNA, child birth, gravity, drugs, alcohol, poor eating habits, the Laws of Thermodynamics and bad luck. Did you know that people can take the fat out of your fupa and put it where it belongs: in your flat chest, saggy tits, or that barely there derrière? And if you don’t want that, they fill these synthetic bags with even more synthetic materials and can stuff them inside and behind your nipple? They can do the same thing with your ass! If you want fuller lips they can stab a needle in that fills them right up to where you want them. As a matter of fact, they can do it to any part of your face so you can look like a chipmunk younger version of yourself.

You literally do not have to worry any longer about being different than anyone else because now you can look just like everyone else. Isn’t that something? The ground has been leveled. That wench with perfect genes has nothing on you now because you can look just like her or kinda, sorta like her. A stranger version of her but like not natural. A version of her but you! And instead of the butchery that it is, you can believe it is art and also just as beautiful as something God given. And no one has the right to say you are delusional because those people are just jealous and are mad they can’t afford to also be perfect.

But who really knows what will happen? Maybe one day everyone will get to look exactly how they want to look because all physical changes will be subsidized by the government and then everyone will be happy because everyone will be beautiful. And when beauty trends change, you can keep on changing right along with them.

Imagine if we all looked perfect? Less problems. Less jealousy. Everyone will get the partner of their dreams and keep them because they look just right. You will always be the pretty mom at drop off and pick up. And so will everyone else. So much less worry about small vanities and more focus on all the big things.

But as you know, there will always be those people comfortable with being ugly and growing old. Let those Harrison Bergerons’ enjoy their oxidation and death.