The early darkening, the dying leaves, the bitterness of cold, the sickness dancing from person to person, usher in a time of year filled to the brim with stress.  It is no wonder human beings clustered so many holidays into such a short time frame. We needed something in which to rejoice, an excuse to celebrate.  The colors, the rich smells, the cozy memories, the pretty decorations, the seasonal alcoholic beverages, the spending would seem for many to be just the right tonic for all the gloomy rushing stress but for many it is all just a trigger for depression and anxiety.  It is the subconscious preparing itself for what you aren’t even thinking about yet; that which you do not have anymore or do not yet have that you want badly.  This time of year is for so many, including me,  a time to feel the void of what is missing in our lives. We cannot help it.  We are grieving something.  Those who have passed away, the brokenness of our families, not having children, not having a companion, rejection from people we love, addicted loved ones, financial problems, chronic illness or even terminal illness. Whatever it might be, for some reason, this time of year, makes you feel it more than ever.  There will be questions about when you are going to have kids from those who do not know about your infertility. There will be questions about your dating status or lack thereof. There will be missing humans, who may have been gone a long time, but time has not healed their absence.  There will be food you cannot eat. You may not be able to eat at all because of chemo or because of an eating disorder.  So many things to dread within oneself.  Most of all is the dreadful ache of that something unfulfilled, that crushed life.  It is so easy to get caught up in all we do not have, or all we desire to have. Like a riptide, it pulls us under its foamy darkness, drags us through the rough undercurrent of mental illness.

This year has been the same. The claws of depression were clasping around my neck as I mentally planned for Thanksgiving and Christmas for many personal reasons.  Loss runs deep in my veins, and sometimes the thought of letting that loss free to run into the soil around me is frighteningly comforting.  Pondering how terrifyingly close I have come to desperate decisions from physically crippling depression, I have deeply considered another alternative to wallowing in misery.  It has been the theme of the Sunday school I help lead. It has been what God has been knocking at my hearts door for so long. Contentment.  Being content is a most powerful weapon against such angst.  Rather than being swept away by feelings of loss, why not ground myself with thoughts and declarations of gratefulness and thankfulness and praise for what I do have?  There is so much to be thankful for, even when life is at its very end.  There are so many realities I could be living so much worse than I could ever imagine.  There are orphans roaming the streets somewhere, desperately searching for food, victims of abuse of various kinds. There are people whose entire families are being killed in front of their eyes. There are people losing their homes and their loved ones in fires or other natural disasters.  I have none of that to worry about.  I am comfortable. I am blessed. My children are healthy and beautiful. My husband is a wonderful provider and a loving man.  I am alive and well and strong, vivacious and thriving.  Everywhere I turn, there are things of which to be thankful and in which to rejoice.  What I must do is open my mouth and worship my living God for pouring out his favor all over my life. What is lost is lost. What is gone is gone. What is dying is dying. What I don’t have, I don’t have. And oh well.  I can’t do a thing about that can I? What I do have could be snatched away in an instant.  So I must rejoice. I must be content.  We must all be content.  So my challenge to myself and to others is to write down all the blessings you have and think about those things every day this holiday season. Think about those things and then decide as an act of gratefulness and act of love to bless others who have far less than you and to rejoice with them. Make your life what you want it to be. Decide to be joyful. Decide to be happy and light and to revel in the moment.